Birthday 3 Days Early... Or Why My Roommates Are Awesome

Dear Readers,

As some of you might know, today is my birthday. And I have not been looking forward to it for a few reasons. The biggest reason is that I don't like the idea of turning 28. But more about that later. The other reason I wasn't looking forward to my birthday with happy anticipation is because I was planning to spend it alone. It just so happens that spring break was that week for my roommate Angela, as well as her mom (who's a teacher in Arizona.) They (Angela, Megan, and Momma W.) planned a fun trip to California to visit Angela and Megan's oldest brother and his year-old son whom they've never met. Don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge them the time spent with their family. I wanted them to go. It just sucks that it falls on the same week as my much-dreaded birthday. So I resigned myself to ignoring my birthday and spending the week alone. And then I came home from work on Saturday.

And found this...

Small, simple, and touching beyond belief. Also waiting for me was this...

Yes, this picture was taken after we had attacked the cake. We just couldn't wait! In case you can't tell, that's chocolate cake with strawberry frosting. Megan also made a delicious strawberry sugar glaze with real strawberries to drizzle on top. I love strawberries!

So after hanging out for a few minutes I went into my room. I wish I had gotten a photo of what I saw, but you'll just have to make due with my description. My room was full of balloons! They were everywhere...on my bed, on my dresser, covering the floor! And sitting in the middle of my bed was this...

 

What's inside the bag? Thanks for asking! I'll show you!

Awesome! Popcorn, Snickers, Baby Ruth, Twix, Butterfinger, and Tinkerbell socks! And then the girls told me that every balloon in my room had at least one note hidden inside. And so I spent the next I-don't-know-how-long popping balloons to get to the notes! I thought my ears were never going to stop ringing, but this is what I found:



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You're probably wondering what some of those mean. Well, guess what. So am I! And so are Megan and Angela! It's hard to come up with enough meaningful things to fill all those balloons, so things are bound to get a bit silly. And add in the fact that they were doing this in the middle of the night to keep me from catching on and goofiness reigns supreme! But that's what I love about my roommates. Not every moment has to mean something. And the things that we never thought would become running jokes are sometimes the funniest we have. But if you, dear reader, are perishing with curiosity over one or two of these, leave a comment and I'll do my best to explain.

After dinner and cake my girls and I watched watching the final two episodes of Monk (and finally learned who killed Trudy!) and then they took me Cosmic Bowling. I don't have pics of this, either, but it was a good time. None of us bowl well, but we have a good time making fun of ourselves and the terrible rap music the bowling alley played all night long. And then we came home and watched The Blind Side. (Amazing movie. If you haven't seen it, watch it!) It was a great night with even greater people. I seriously love my roommates!

Who can be lonely with friends like these?

~Your Dreamer

Believer

Dear Readers,

I did something today that I haven't done in quite a long time. I wrote a poem, start to finish. The end result wasn't the poem I started out to write. In my head it was a depressing thing, ending on a note of "Why not me?" On paper... it's this:

Believer

I believe in fairy tales
And gifts sent from above
In dragon tales and fairy wings
And real, unending love.

I believe that riches
Can't buy you happiness
And I believe in true respect-
Nothing more and nothing less.

I believe in candy rain
And chocolate snowflakes, too
In lemon flavored sunbeams
Sugar crystals from the moon.

I believe that peace and joy
Come first from deep inside
I believe in holding tight
to every scrap of it you find.

2-25-11

~ Your Lonley Dreamer

A Valentine's Wish List

Dear Readers,

Here we are: Valentine's Day. And since I'm single it's not really much fun to watch my friends on Face Book change their profile pics to lovey-dovey photos of themselves and their significant others. But it's got me thinking about things I'd like to have in a future partner. Without further ado, I present my Valentine's Day Wish List. (In no particular order.)

• Respect. I've met people who never think of others. Guys who loudly use swear words in public places filled with children. Who make other people's lives and jobs harder on purpose. I cannot spend time with these people. If he can't or doesn't respect people he may never see again, how much respect will he show to me? Not enough, in my opinion.
• Romance. One day at work I helped a guy find a gift for his girlfriend. As I was ringing up the purchase I asked him if it was her birthday, or another special occasion. He replied that she'd had a long day. He'd just dropped her off at work at another store in the mall, and decided to buy her a gift and head back to her work place to give it to her, just to brighten her day. With The Stupid I can remember coming home to 2 dozen roses, just because he said he loved me. And then there was prom night, when he borrowed his mom's van, blindfolded me, and drove us out to the middle of the desert. We had fried chicken and Mountain Dew completely alone under the stars. These gestures are important. Girls like to know they're being thought of, even when we're not around.
• Sense of Humor. I love to laugh, and to make others laugh. Not many people find me funny. I guess my humor's...unique. But every once in a while I say something that gets a genuine laugh. I need a guy that loves to laugh and makes me laugh. Laughter is healing. But not all humor is the "ha ha" kind. A good sense of irony and sarcasm is important, too.
• Listening. There have been many occasions in which I have been telling a story, or commenting on something that has been said, and the group I'm with just talks right over me. It makes me feel small, stupid, and unloved. My comments may not always be amazingly insightful, but they do deserve to be heard.
• Culture. I love music, books, art, theater. People that are lucky enough to spend time with me generally love one or more of the same. Those that can teach me something about those subjects without being belittling have a special quality that is a little hard to resist.
• Love. A life without passion isn't worth living. I need a man who loves me, loves his family, and loves his friends. Love is the only thing that keeps me alive, and it must be reciprocated. I love with my whole heart, always. I expect the same in return (and yet am surprised when I get it.)

Those might just be my top 6 qualities that I need in a mate. Reading over them, they seem to paint a portrait of a polished man who has it all together. But that's not the image I have. I like a guy a little rough around the edges. Messy hair, tattoos, and a bit of a free spirit. Physical appearance isn't so important, though. I don't really have a "type." Attraction is key, and can surprise you in its packaging sometimes.

So what do you think, Readers? Am I setting my sights too high? Do men like that actually exist? If they do, would they ever be interested in... me?

Wishing on a star
~Your Lonely Dreamer

Thanksgiving and Christmas

Dear Readers,

I hope you're ready for a photo intensive post today, Readers! I know that tomorrow is Valentine's Day, but let's go back in time a bit and catch you up on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

For Thanksgiving my wonderful "adoptive" family came all the way from Mesa, Az and farther to spend the holiday with us. We all went to Aunt and Uncle's for Thanksgiving dinner, along with about 30 other family members.

This is the beautiful Megan. She's been a better friend to me than I deserve. She's one of my two awesome roommates.

And this is the amazing Angela. She's my other roommate, and another friend that I absolutely could not live without. Incidentally, she's Megan's sister and it was their family that came to visit.

The beautiful lady is the matriarch of the Willis family and my "momsie."

These are Meg and Ang's darling nieces. Haylie's the blond and that's Mackenzie with the crazy face. They belong to the stud in the middle of this pic:

That's "dad", Jarom, and "dad's" brother. And me, smushed in the corner; trying unsuccessfully to stay out of the picture! I love the way Dad's arm is around Jarom, and Jarom's is around Uncle Rick! So precious!

And this handsome fellow is Jordan, youngest of the 4 brothers, stuck right between Meg and Ang in the family tree. It's always so good to spend time with such an amazing group of people! It was a great day filled with delicious food and superb company! Oh, and check out these adorable table decorations! I wish I could have been there to see the boys work so hard to get them set up just so.

Sadly, the family couldn't make it up for Christmas, and we couldn't make it down to Arizona (or Texas in my case, to see my biological family.) But we put up some cute decorations:

 And made our own Christmas card!

I'm sorry if you didn't get one and feel left out. I think I sent 2 of these. I'm terrible at this kind of stuff!

And I did a couple of Christmas themed manicures.

On Christmas Day we went back to Aunt and Uncle's for brunch and then came home for a Skype Christmas. We called the Willis family and all opened presents together. I only wish I could have done the same with my family in Texas.

And that's pretty much the story of the holidays around here. If I were a better blogger I would have blogged things as I went: decorating the tree, shopping for gifts, baking cookies (which I didn't even do. I came home to them one night after work.) I promise I'll try to be better at keeping you informed. For now, I'm signing off.

~Your Lonely Dreamer

Meow

Dear Readers,

Once again I have been remiss in my blogging. And so, here we go.

A while back I talked about getting approved for a new apartment. Before then we had been living with K and S, who had asked us to leave our pets somewhere else while we were there. My roommate Megan owned 3 birds and a cat and her parents were gracious enough to pet-sit for us until we got a new place of our own.

This is Wicket. She was our darling. She was mainly an indoor cat, with occasional afternoons spent outside. When Mom and Dad Willis decided to keep her for us they planned to keep her indoors. One day, she snuck out and was struck by a car. 2 weeks before we moved into our apartment. Megan had already requested the time off from work to make the 11.5 hour drive to pick her and the birds up and bring them home. We were devastated.

This is Kindle. We adopted her from the Humane Society not long after we lost Wicket. Our good friend Joanna was awesome enough to cat sit for us until the move was complete. At the Society she seemed like such a sweet, darling little kitty. Full of love and cuddles. When we got her home she turned into psycho kitty! She thought she was starving to death all the time and ate everything in sight. Honestly, Megan's plant that she rescued and nurtured back to life became dinner at one point. Recently she's mellowed out, though. And she actually uses the pet bed and the scratcher that Wicket scorned.

And so we've lived in our apartment since November 1st. It's small and kinda old, but it's ours. For Thanksgiving Mom and Dad Willis drove up with 2 of the Willis brothers and the nieces. But we'll save that for the next post, shall we?

In memoriam,

Your Lonely Dreamer

Know When To Cry

Dear Readers,

If you know me, you know that I cry easily. Very easily. I cry when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm angry, when I'm sick, when I hurt. I cry at TV shows weekly and when I hear certain songs.

Here's a poem I wrote when I was 16 on this subject.

Know When To Cry

Even a warrior
Knows when to cry
Don't ever assume
Their eyes always stay dry
All the pressures put weight
On the heart of a man
For some there's a point
When they've done all they can
There's always a time
To sit down and cry
When you've had enough yelling
Or seen a friend die
Tears can be cleansing
And not as bad as you think
Weeping doesn't mean
That your soul has gone weak
So think of the warrior
When you can no longer be strong
Remember that crying
Is not always wrong.

12-24-99

With dry eyes (for now),
~Your Lonely Dreamer

Things I Love About Utah #3

Dear Readers,

Never in my life have I lived in a place with so much snow! Cedar City had snow, but I don't remember it being like this. It's beautiful! It's important to me to remember to stop and find things in everyday that make me happy to be where and who I am. Things have been difficult the last several years, but I can't dwell on the negativity. If I do, I'll just wallow in depression. Instead, I have to keep marching forward and find ways to make myself happy.

I know I'm behind on my blogging, and I'm sorry. I have pics to post from Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have poetry that I know some of you say you want to read. Wednesday is a free day for me, except for taking kitty to the doctor's, laundry, and trying to sell some of the crap I have lying around here. (Haha, doesn't sound like such a free day when I put it that way.) I'll try to post on Wednesday. But thanks for sticking with me, readers.

~ Your Cold and Lonely Dreamer

A Poem of a Post

Dear Readers,

In a previous post, I mentioned the possibility of posting some of my old poetry here if you were interested. I had one or two requests that I do so, and so here we go. In my junior year of high school I was inducted into the National Honor Society. As part of the induction ceremony we had to compose something that said a bit about who we were. Being the poet I was, it was natural for me to write a poem. So, here's an idea of who I was when I was 16.

Me
At six a.m. I'm on my way,
It's the start of another day,
Band, geometry, physics to do,
Phys. Ed, english, and history, too,
Lunch is an hour of calmness and rest,
Unless I have homework, then it's all stress.

After the bell, I've got places to go,
Practices, meetings, and all that you know,
Leave campus at six, maybe even seven o'clock,
Smelling of sweat and blackboard chalk,
An hour or three with homework and friends,
Then on to bed, and do it all again.

But below this entire, hectic day,
My real feelings are there, kept at bay,
My soul is a deep and flowing sea,
Not many people know the real and true me,
But, you see, there are those who do,
They are the ones that I know, too.

They know my soul, gentle and kind,
They know how to reach the depths of my mind,
They know my courage and silent strength,
The beliefs and morals I can discuss at length,
The changes and hardships I've been through,
And how it hardly ever makes me blue.

How I can sit for hours and just think,
And all the while I almost never blink,
They know that I can be a ditz,
And just how my brain goes on the blitz,
They know my devotion to all that I do,
My writing, my music, my religion, too.

All of this is rolled into one,
The worries, the fears, and mostly the fun,
Mostly I laugh, sometimes I cry,
Right now I am living, one day I will die,
Rebecca is a person in a life full of love,
That maybe one day you'll be part of.




Riviting, right?
~Your Lonely Dreamer

Things I Love About Utah #2

Dear Readers,

In Phoenix it's very rare to be amazed and awed by the changing colors that we all associate with fall. Here, the very opposite is true. My roommates are getting very tired of hearing me exclaim about the beautiful fall foliage. (My 'f'' is sticking on my keyboard, so that last part was difficult to type!) I got so excited about actually seeing red, yellow and orange on the trees that I started taking pictures and thought I'd share them with you all. :)

Yours,
~The Lonely Dreamer

With This Ring...

Dear Readers,

It amazes me how much a material possession can mean to a person. How much history and emotion can be stored in a tiny circle of metal and stone. When it was given to me it was symbol of love and a promise of forever. It was proof that I was good enough. That after years of waiting it had finally been decided that I was good enough for forever. And my dreams were coming true.

And then it became a reminder of the lies. Of the pain. Of the broken promises. It was a circle of bad memory that sat in drawers and boxes and haunted me. I knew that I needed to get rid of it. And when things got tough I resolved every time to sell it. And sabotaged every single attempt. Slept too late or ran out of time. Posted it online and left out key information so that no one would inquire about it. Yesterday I actually made it all the way into a pawn shop. Telling myself that I was finally getting rid of it. But not unless I could get at least half its original cost. Once again making it impossible to be rid of it.

Until I gave up. I broke down in tears in the middle of the pawn shop and sold it. And cried. For longer than I should have. And then went and bought myself lunch. Filled my car up with gas. Tomorrow I plan to get the oil changed in my car and buy some groceries.

That's what that piece of metal and stone means now. It's help out of a desperate situation. It's a way to and from work, a way to see my friends. A way to feed myself.

And somehow the memory of the haunting is still haunting me.

Feeling emotionally torn,
Your Lonely Dreamer

Today My Life Is Awesome!

Dear Readers,

I realized the other day that I had figured out a way to both love my life and hate it at the same time. And then my friend Jack pointed out that I always seem so sad on my blogs. Well, today has been a great day, so I thought I'd write and tell you about it.

As you may know, I've been really struggling with my finances. Since moving to Utah the only job I had been able to get was part-time at Bath and Body Works. I love this job, and I'm good at it. But part-time at barely over minimum wage is not even close to being enough to pay all of my bills. So I've been trying, unsuccessfully, to find a second job. And then to top it all off, we were asked to leave our place of residence. So not only was I looking for a job, but I was worrying about finding one that paid enough to be able to make rent. And actually getting accepted for an apartment on my meager wages. My beautiful roommate Megan came home the other day and told me that they were hiring at her job at Dollar Tree. She brought me an application, so I filled it out and turned it in. I got a call yesterday, and they hired me on the spot. And so job #2 is secure, at least for now. It may not be glamorous, but it's money in the bank. I'm listed as a temporary employee, but that is subject to change. While I was at work today Megan and my other roomie (Megan's sis) Angela went and turned in our applications for our apartment. And thanks to their amazing mother, who agreed to co-sign for us, we were approved! My two jobs combined still won't be enough for me to live comfortably, but it'll be quite a bit better.

But even through the stresses of finding housing and work, which made me hate life, I had my friends. Honestly, this is what makes me love my life.

My roommates are two of the best people I have ever known. They've been with me through these tough times, and many others, and have never turned their backs.

Since moving to Utah I have been able to spend a lot more time with my beautiful and amazing friend, Joanna. We don't get to see each other as often as we would like, since we still live about an hour away from one another and life gets in the way. But I've seen her more in the last three months than I had in the three years previous. It's like feeling a piece of my soul returned home.

And yet, pieces are still out there in the world. I talk to my oldest (as in "known the longest" not "older than dirt") best friend almost every day online. Sometimes it's like we could just run next door and borrow a cup of sugar from each other.

I've made new friends already here, and they give me something to look forward to every week. Not only because I get to sit and watch Glee as it actually airs, but because I get to spend time with Jack, Brian, Mesun, Wendy, and all the other Gleeks who show up on Tuesday. A big thanks goes out to those guys for letting me into your lives. You're awesome!

And I have so many other friends that love and care about me, and that I love and care about that I could sit here and type for hours and not list them all. If you've ever commented on this blog, you're on the list. If you've ever read this blog, you're there. Have you commented on one of my FaceBook statuses? Then I list you, as well. Ever left a prayer on my voicemail because I've been on your mind? You know you're on the list. And the list is so much longer than the people who fall into those categories. I am loved, but more importantly, I LOVE. And that's what truly keeps me going. Keeps me smiling. Keeps me breathing.

When I'm With You I'm Not So Lonely,
~The Dreamer

Reasons My Job Search Sucks!

Dear Readers,

In no particular order...

• There's nothing like filling out the "Special Skills and Achievements" section of an application to make you realize that you have none.
• We found at least 2 places today that had signs posted exclaiming "Now Hiring!" or "Join Our Team!" and directing us to the company website. When you visit the site you are informed that there are no positions available within 100 miles, and if you choose to fill out an application anyway (to be considered when a position opens) you get a rejection email within seconds of hitting the "Submit" button.
• I find these personality assessment quizzes ridiculous! Either they ask you the same 5 or 6 questions over and over again for an hour (sometimes worded differently, sometimes not) or they are blatantly accusatory and hostile. I actually had one question ask me "How much have you taken from a job, other than basic office supplies?" and then give me a multiple choice! Seriously?!?
• Why isn't there a generic job application that you can fill out once, photocopy and then turn in? They all ask the same damn questions and have the same damn disclaimers. Why do I have to get writer's cramp and chip my nail polish filling these things out? Why do I even bother making up a resume? No one ever reads it anyway.
• No one is hiring! And the places that are have such a deep pool of applicants to pull from that I never even have a chance.

Yeah, that's the list ... for now. My brain has turned to mush and sitting here trying to think of things is just pissing me off all over again.

Destitute and Desperate,
~Your Lonely Dreamer

To Thine Ownself Be True

Dear Readers,

On Wednesday night I got to go see Hamlet by Mr. William Shakespeare with my awesome roommate Angela. This is one of the things I love about having a theater major as a roommate. As a theater major it's required that the students see a certain number of plays throughout the semester, and sometimes even specific ones. So this week Angela had to go see Hamlet at the Pioneer Memorial Theater and since she gets student priced tickets it was actually affordable!

For a Shakespeare lover, I've read surprisingly few of his plays. Mostly I've just read the ones I've performed in. I knew the story of Hamlet going in, but had never read or seen the play before. I had always wondered how anyone could realistically portray the character of Hamlet. He has such incredible depth, and such a range of emotion in such a short time. Kenneth Branagh did an amazing job on film, but film is so very different from the stage.

The actor playing Hamlet at PMT was phenomenal! I actually almost cried during the curtain call. And Ophelia? Outstanding! I never realized that Polonius was a comic character. I never realized that some of the phrases I've grown up with are actually lines from this play! "To thine ownself be true" is the one coming to mind currently. I wish I could remember more to write about, but I was so entranced for the entire 3 hours that it's all a haze of emotion. Plus, we went on Wednesday and I've slept a lot since then.

I would tell you all to get in your cars and go see it right now, but tonight was sadly the last performance. Oh, and another thing. The exit signs there are purple! Yes, purple! That makes me happy.

Focusing on the positive in order to stay alive,
Your Lonely Dreamer

Why This Week Has Not Rocked...

Dear Readers,


If you remember, my last post was all about how excited I was to be able to watch my TV shows that have come back this week. That plan turned into an epic fail. You see...


We live with K and S, who are the aunt and uncle of my beautiful roommates. K works from home, and needs the internet to do so. He discovered that our network was interfering with his network (since they're hooked up to the same internet) and so he cut us off. We have no internet. I'm losing my effing mind!!


I've been unable to watch my shows. Thank goodness for Hulu keeping them queued up for me. I've been unable to look for and apply for work. I haven't been able to check Facebook or the news. No random 'internet ninja' searches. My computer has actually been turned off for 24 hours. Right now I'm at a friend's house who is kind enough to let me sign on to her network so that I can catch up with the world. I've missed you!


~Your Lonely Dreamer

Why I'm Determined to Make This Week Rock!!

Dear Readers,

Personally, I'm struggling with lots of issues right now. My financial situation absolutely and completely blows. I'm gonna have to count pennies to have enough gas to get to work and back tomorrow. My father's health is deteriorating. He and I have never had a good relationship and I'm trying to figure out a way to positively re-connect with him before it's too late. I just found out tonight that my grandmother's health is also very poor. She visited the doctor today because she's been feeling ill. The doctor was unable to find anything wrong with her, but said she's fading fast and asked if she had all her paperwork in order. Yikes! How on Earth am I going to be able to make it to Texas for funerals if it comes to that (cross my fingers, knock on wood, pray to God that it doesn't) when I can't even get to work?

But this week is going to be awesome! I've decided. You see, I'm a television junkie. I love TV! And this week is the kick off of the Fall Season!

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Dancing With The Starts started last night! I discovered DWTS last season, mainly because I wanted to watch Kate Gosselin. But now I just love the show. I don't have a favorite so far this season (it's only been one episode!) but I think Jennifer Grey (from Dirty Dancing fame) is a contender!

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Tonight, my friend Jack threw a party for the season premier of Glee. We all crowded into his adorable apartment, ate cupcakes (in homage to the episode Wheels), drank grape slushies (because glee kids are always getting slushie facials) and Gleeked out!! I had so much fun, even if the episode wasn't as spectacular as we'd all hoped it would be. To read Jack's "Gleek Critique" of tonight's episode go here.

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This image is subject to copyright.

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Thursday is another great night of television premiers! Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice both had me sobbing my eyes out at last year's season finales and I can't wait to find out what everyone is up to. They all have some serious healing to do! I'll be there healing and crying with them every single week. I've watched both shows since the very beginning and I feel kinda like they're family. The Office is just plain old fun! Although it's really sad that this will be Michael Scott's (Steve Carell) last season! I'm having a very hard time imagining what it will be like without him.

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Sunday brings back another show I discovered last year. The Amazing Race is about teams of people who race around the world completing ridiculous tasks to win money. So fun! I've thought about going on it myself, but there's no way I could complete the food and physical challenges, so I'd be out the first week!

See, told you I was addicted! And these are just the shows that are starting this week. I watch lots of other shows that are either in the off-season right now, or have already started. Plus, on Saturday, I'm planning to go to Springville and play some GURPS with my girls. (Yes, I'm a gamer nerd.) And I've decided that the joy of my old trusty TV friends coming back and getting together with my sisters in nerd-dom will be enough to off-set the other crap going on in my life. And when I decide something, it happens. Unless Life decides that I'm full of crap and that it knows better. Then things will go the way Life decides and I'll be back here complaining about it. Until then...

These are the Reflections of,

Your Lonely Dreamer