A Valentine's Wish List

Dear Readers,

Here we are: Valentine's Day. And since I'm single it's not really much fun to watch my friends on Face Book change their profile pics to lovey-dovey photos of themselves and their significant others. But it's got me thinking about things I'd like to have in a future partner. Without further ado, I present my Valentine's Day Wish List. (In no particular order.)

• Respect. I've met people who never think of others. Guys who loudly use swear words in public places filled with children. Who make other people's lives and jobs harder on purpose. I cannot spend time with these people. If he can't or doesn't respect people he may never see again, how much respect will he show to me? Not enough, in my opinion.
• Romance. One day at work I helped a guy find a gift for his girlfriend. As I was ringing up the purchase I asked him if it was her birthday, or another special occasion. He replied that she'd had a long day. He'd just dropped her off at work at another store in the mall, and decided to buy her a gift and head back to her work place to give it to her, just to brighten her day. With The Stupid I can remember coming home to 2 dozen roses, just because he said he loved me. And then there was prom night, when he borrowed his mom's van, blindfolded me, and drove us out to the middle of the desert. We had fried chicken and Mountain Dew completely alone under the stars. These gestures are important. Girls like to know they're being thought of, even when we're not around.
• Sense of Humor. I love to laugh, and to make others laugh. Not many people find me funny. I guess my humor's...unique. But every once in a while I say something that gets a genuine laugh. I need a guy that loves to laugh and makes me laugh. Laughter is healing. But not all humor is the "ha ha" kind. A good sense of irony and sarcasm is important, too.
• Listening. There have been many occasions in which I have been telling a story, or commenting on something that has been said, and the group I'm with just talks right over me. It makes me feel small, stupid, and unloved. My comments may not always be amazingly insightful, but they do deserve to be heard.
• Culture. I love music, books, art, theater. People that are lucky enough to spend time with me generally love one or more of the same. Those that can teach me something about those subjects without being belittling have a special quality that is a little hard to resist.
• Love. A life without passion isn't worth living. I need a man who loves me, loves his family, and loves his friends. Love is the only thing that keeps me alive, and it must be reciprocated. I love with my whole heart, always. I expect the same in return (and yet am surprised when I get it.)

Those might just be my top 6 qualities that I need in a mate. Reading over them, they seem to paint a portrait of a polished man who has it all together. But that's not the image I have. I like a guy a little rough around the edges. Messy hair, tattoos, and a bit of a free spirit. Physical appearance isn't so important, though. I don't really have a "type." Attraction is key, and can surprise you in its packaging sometimes.

So what do you think, Readers? Am I setting my sights too high? Do men like that actually exist? If they do, would they ever be interested in... me?

Wishing on a star
~Your Lonely Dreamer

Thanksgiving and Christmas

Dear Readers,

I hope you're ready for a photo intensive post today, Readers! I know that tomorrow is Valentine's Day, but let's go back in time a bit and catch you up on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

For Thanksgiving my wonderful "adoptive" family came all the way from Mesa, Az and farther to spend the holiday with us. We all went to Aunt and Uncle's for Thanksgiving dinner, along with about 30 other family members.

This is the beautiful Megan. She's been a better friend to me than I deserve. She's one of my two awesome roommates.

And this is the amazing Angela. She's my other roommate, and another friend that I absolutely could not live without. Incidentally, she's Megan's sister and it was their family that came to visit.

The beautiful lady is the matriarch of the Willis family and my "momsie."

These are Meg and Ang's darling nieces. Haylie's the blond and that's Mackenzie with the crazy face. They belong to the stud in the middle of this pic:

That's "dad", Jarom, and "dad's" brother. And me, smushed in the corner; trying unsuccessfully to stay out of the picture! I love the way Dad's arm is around Jarom, and Jarom's is around Uncle Rick! So precious!

And this handsome fellow is Jordan, youngest of the 4 brothers, stuck right between Meg and Ang in the family tree. It's always so good to spend time with such an amazing group of people! It was a great day filled with delicious food and superb company! Oh, and check out these adorable table decorations! I wish I could have been there to see the boys work so hard to get them set up just so.

Sadly, the family couldn't make it up for Christmas, and we couldn't make it down to Arizona (or Texas in my case, to see my biological family.) But we put up some cute decorations:

 And made our own Christmas card!

I'm sorry if you didn't get one and feel left out. I think I sent 2 of these. I'm terrible at this kind of stuff!

And I did a couple of Christmas themed manicures.

On Christmas Day we went back to Aunt and Uncle's for brunch and then came home for a Skype Christmas. We called the Willis family and all opened presents together. I only wish I could have done the same with my family in Texas.

And that's pretty much the story of the holidays around here. If I were a better blogger I would have blogged things as I went: decorating the tree, shopping for gifts, baking cookies (which I didn't even do. I came home to them one night after work.) I promise I'll try to be better at keeping you informed. For now, I'm signing off.

~Your Lonely Dreamer

Meow

Dear Readers,

Once again I have been remiss in my blogging. And so, here we go.

A while back I talked about getting approved for a new apartment. Before then we had been living with K and S, who had asked us to leave our pets somewhere else while we were there. My roommate Megan owned 3 birds and a cat and her parents were gracious enough to pet-sit for us until we got a new place of our own.

This is Wicket. She was our darling. She was mainly an indoor cat, with occasional afternoons spent outside. When Mom and Dad Willis decided to keep her for us they planned to keep her indoors. One day, she snuck out and was struck by a car. 2 weeks before we moved into our apartment. Megan had already requested the time off from work to make the 11.5 hour drive to pick her and the birds up and bring them home. We were devastated.

This is Kindle. We adopted her from the Humane Society not long after we lost Wicket. Our good friend Joanna was awesome enough to cat sit for us until the move was complete. At the Society she seemed like such a sweet, darling little kitty. Full of love and cuddles. When we got her home she turned into psycho kitty! She thought she was starving to death all the time and ate everything in sight. Honestly, Megan's plant that she rescued and nurtured back to life became dinner at one point. Recently she's mellowed out, though. And she actually uses the pet bed and the scratcher that Wicket scorned.

And so we've lived in our apartment since November 1st. It's small and kinda old, but it's ours. For Thanksgiving Mom and Dad Willis drove up with 2 of the Willis brothers and the nieces. But we'll save that for the next post, shall we?

In memoriam,

Your Lonely Dreamer

Know When To Cry

Dear Readers,

If you know me, you know that I cry easily. Very easily. I cry when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm angry, when I'm sick, when I hurt. I cry at TV shows weekly and when I hear certain songs.

Here's a poem I wrote when I was 16 on this subject.

Know When To Cry

Even a warrior
Knows when to cry
Don't ever assume
Their eyes always stay dry
All the pressures put weight
On the heart of a man
For some there's a point
When they've done all they can
There's always a time
To sit down and cry
When you've had enough yelling
Or seen a friend die
Tears can be cleansing
And not as bad as you think
Weeping doesn't mean
That your soul has gone weak
So think of the warrior
When you can no longer be strong
Remember that crying
Is not always wrong.

12-24-99

With dry eyes (for now),
~Your Lonely Dreamer

Things I Love About Utah #3

Dear Readers,

Never in my life have I lived in a place with so much snow! Cedar City had snow, but I don't remember it being like this. It's beautiful! It's important to me to remember to stop and find things in everyday that make me happy to be where and who I am. Things have been difficult the last several years, but I can't dwell on the negativity. If I do, I'll just wallow in depression. Instead, I have to keep marching forward and find ways to make myself happy.

I know I'm behind on my blogging, and I'm sorry. I have pics to post from Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have poetry that I know some of you say you want to read. Wednesday is a free day for me, except for taking kitty to the doctor's, laundry, and trying to sell some of the crap I have lying around here. (Haha, doesn't sound like such a free day when I put it that way.) I'll try to post on Wednesday. But thanks for sticking with me, readers.

~ Your Cold and Lonely Dreamer

A Poem of a Post

Dear Readers,

In a previous post, I mentioned the possibility of posting some of my old poetry here if you were interested. I had one or two requests that I do so, and so here we go. In my junior year of high school I was inducted into the National Honor Society. As part of the induction ceremony we had to compose something that said a bit about who we were. Being the poet I was, it was natural for me to write a poem. So, here's an idea of who I was when I was 16.

Me
At six a.m. I'm on my way,
It's the start of another day,
Band, geometry, physics to do,
Phys. Ed, english, and history, too,
Lunch is an hour of calmness and rest,
Unless I have homework, then it's all stress.

After the bell, I've got places to go,
Practices, meetings, and all that you know,
Leave campus at six, maybe even seven o'clock,
Smelling of sweat and blackboard chalk,
An hour or three with homework and friends,
Then on to bed, and do it all again.

But below this entire, hectic day,
My real feelings are there, kept at bay,
My soul is a deep and flowing sea,
Not many people know the real and true me,
But, you see, there are those who do,
They are the ones that I know, too.

They know my soul, gentle and kind,
They know how to reach the depths of my mind,
They know my courage and silent strength,
The beliefs and morals I can discuss at length,
The changes and hardships I've been through,
And how it hardly ever makes me blue.

How I can sit for hours and just think,
And all the while I almost never blink,
They know that I can be a ditz,
And just how my brain goes on the blitz,
They know my devotion to all that I do,
My writing, my music, my religion, too.

All of this is rolled into one,
The worries, the fears, and mostly the fun,
Mostly I laugh, sometimes I cry,
Right now I am living, one day I will die,
Rebecca is a person in a life full of love,
That maybe one day you'll be part of.




Riviting, right?
~Your Lonely Dreamer

Things I Love About Utah #2

Dear Readers,

In Phoenix it's very rare to be amazed and awed by the changing colors that we all associate with fall. Here, the very opposite is true. My roommates are getting very tired of hearing me exclaim about the beautiful fall foliage. (My 'f'' is sticking on my keyboard, so that last part was difficult to type!) I got so excited about actually seeing red, yellow and orange on the trees that I started taking pictures and thought I'd share them with you all. :)

Yours,
~The Lonely Dreamer